February’s Hard Conversation: Talking to Teens About Dating Violence
by Teresia Smith
Ah…. February arrives wrapped in red and pink hearts in shop windows, candy and roses, romance all around. Valentines’ Day is being celebrated everywhere you look; however, what we talk about far less is that February is also Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.
This is when we need to take a moment and look past the hearts and glitter and ask if our teens are safe in their relationships.
Teen dating violence doesn’t always look like what adults expect. It isn’t only bruises or shouting matches in the hallway.
Often, it’s quiet and confusing. It can be constant texting that turns into monitoring, jealousy framed as love, pressure disguised as affection.
It can be a partner who demands passwords “to prove trust,” decides who someone can talk to, or threatens to share private photos if they leave. For teens growing up online, control doesn’t end when the school day does.
It follows them home in their pockets.
The statistics are sobering. Studies consistently show that a significant number of teens experience physical, emotional, or digital abuse before they graduate high school. Yet many don’t recognize it as abuse.
Why would they? Movies, music, and social media often romanticize possessiveness. “I can’t live without you” sounds passionate, until it becomes suffocating.
When jealousy is normalized as affection, and boundaries are ridiculed, young people are left without a clear map for what healthy love looks like.
This is where adults matter. Parents, caregivers, teachers, coaches, neighbors, this isn’t about scaring teens away from relationships.
Rather, it’s about giving them language and permission. Permission to say no. Language to describe discomfort.
Confidence to ask for help without fear of being dismissed as dramatic or immature. Being comfortable confiding in a trusted adult can be the difference between life and death.
Healthy relationships should feel safe, respectful, and mutual. They allow space for friendships, hobbies, and disagreement.
They don’t rely on fear, guilt, or control. These ideas sound obvious to adults, but to a teenager navigating emotions at full volume, they can be revolutionary.
Conversations matter more than lectures. Asking open-ended questions such as “How do your friends’ relationships look” or “What does respect mean to you”, can open doors that rules alone never will.
Listening without immediately advising or trying to fix builds trust. And when a teen does disclose something worrying, believing them may be the most powerful intervention of all.
Schools and communities also play a role. Education about consent, boundaries, and digital safety shouldn’t be a one-time discussion.
It should be woven into conversations, health classes, counseling offices, and everyday culture. Coaches can model respect.
Schools can make reporting safer and clearer. Community organizations can provide confidential support and resources that teens can access on their own terms.
February’s focus on love doesn’t have to be superficial.
It can be brave. It can be honest. It can include conversations about what love is not. Love should never be controlling, not humiliating, not frightening.
If you’re a teen reading this: your feelings matter, and you deserve a relationship that makes you feel more yourself, not less.
If you’re an adult: your voice carries weight, even when it feels like it doesn’t. Saying “I’m here” and meaning it can change the trajectory of a young person’s life.
As the hearts come down and we start to focus on the next month, let’s keep the conversation going.
Awareness isn’t a slogan for one month. It’s a commitment to showing our teens that real love shouldn’t hurt.
Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services to survivors of intimate partner violence and sexual assault, as well as community education.
You may reach our Jackson County office at 256.574.5826. We also offer a 24/7 HELPline, where you can speak with a trained crisis counselor at 256.716.1000. Reach out. You are not alone.
