Facing the Holidays After Assault or Abuse
by Teresia Smith
The holidays are often portrayed as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. We see all the Hallmark movies that always have a happy ending, and of course, all the social media posts will make it look like the perfect holiday. But for many survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, or abuse, reality is that this season can bring pain, anxiety, and complicated emotions. You’re not alone if you find the holidays difficult to navigate. Healing takes time—and it’s okay if this time of year looks different for you. Let’s discuss how we can find ways to cope, connect and care for yourself.
Acknowledge What You Feel.
It’s normal to experience sadness, anger, loneliness, or even guilt during the holidays. Memories, family dynamics, or traditions can bring up old wounds. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up. There’s no “right” way to feel during this season. Giving yourself permission to feel what you feel can be the first step toward healing.
Set Boundaries.
You have the right to protect your peace. That may mean saying no to certain gatherings, conversations, or people who make you uncomfortable. Boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re essential for safety and healing. If someone pressures you, remember: you don’t owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself. You are not obligated to attend functions where you will have contact with your abuser.
Create New Traditions.
If old traditions feel painful, create new ones that bring comfort and calm. Spend time with supportive friends, volunteer with a community group, watch your favorite movies, or enjoy quiet moments doing what feels right for you. Small acts of self-kindness can help you reclaim this time of year on your own terms.
Remember to give yourself grace.
Healing isn’t linear, and the holidays can highlight that. Be gentle with yourself. Celebrate the progress you’ve made, no matter how small. Rest, breathe, and remind yourself that you deserve peace, safety, and joy, even if it takes time to feel them again.
Reach Out for Support.
You don’t have to face the holidays alone. Talking with a trusted friend, counselor, or advocate can help you process emotions and find strength. Support is available 24/7 through our crisis line and we are ready to listen and help.
If you need support, we offer a 24/7 HELPline at 256.716.1000. Crisis Services also has an office in Jackson County that can be reached at 256.574.5826 for an appointment. You are not alone.
