Are you still carrying yesterday?
by Teresia Smith
I was thinking recently about how easy it is to hold on to things long after they’re over. Not physical things, but emotional things. A hurtful comment someone made years ago. A relationship that was abusive. A mistake we wish we could take back.
A loss that changed us. A chapter of life we’d rather not revisit but somehow keep replaying anyway.
The truth is, most of us have a story that includes some heartbreak.
Life has a way of handing out disappointments, losses, and painful experiences whether we’re ready for them or not.
The problem isn’t that those things happened. The problem comes when they continue to take up so much space in our minds that they leave little room for anything else.
We get stuck.
Have you ever caught yourself replaying the same memory over and over?
Maybe it happened years ago, but it still feels fresh.
Maybe you find yourself wondering what you should have said, what you could have done differently, or how things might have turned out if just one thing had changed.
I’ve known a lot of people who do that. If we’re honest, most of us have done it ourselves. But here’s the thing: no amount of replaying yesterday changes it.
At some point, we have to ask ourselves a hard question.
Have I loosened my grip on what’s behind me enough to move forward?
Notice I didn’t say forget it. Some experiences become part of who we are.
They shape us, they teach us, and sometimes they leave scars. Pretending those things never happened isn’t healing.
But there’s a difference between remembering your past and living in it. Those scars tell the story of survival.
You can have a heartbreaking story without letting it dominate your life.
You can acknowledge what happened without allowing it to control your thoughts every day.
You can carry the lessons without carrying the weight. Trauma may shape a story, but it should not be allowed to imprison you.
For me, inner peace seems to start with something pretty simple.
It starts with a deep breath and a decision.
A decision that the past gets a place in my story, but it doesn’t get to run my life.
That’s easier said than done, of course.
Some days old memories show up uninvited. Certain dates, places, songs, or conversations can bring everything rushing back. Triggers. Healing isn’t a straight path and it’s messy sometimes.
However, little by little, we can learn that we don’t have to stay stuck in old pain.
We can appreciate how far we’ve come instead of constantly looking at where we’ve been.
We can focus on the people sitting at our table today instead of the ones who left years ago. We can enjoy the life in front of us instead of mourning the life we thought we would have.
The past helped shape you, but it doesn’t have to define you.
And maybe that’s what healing really is.
It’s not forgetting what happened, but finally giving yourself permission to stop carrying it everywhere you go.
If you have experienced trauma from intimate partner violence or sexual assault, and need a safe place to work on moving forward, Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services to victims.
You may reach our Jackson County office at 256.574.5826 for an appointment with an advocate.
We also offer a 24/7 HELPline where you can speak with a trained crisis counselor at 256.716.1000.
