Through the Cracks: Healing Isn’t About Being Perfect
by Teresia Smith
Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is simply believing you’re worthy of the trip.
Some days, the hardest part of getting through life isn’t what’s happening around you. Instead, it’s what is happening inside you.
It’s what you’re telling yourself about who you are.
If you’re a survivor of sexual assault or domestic violence, those thoughts can be especially heavy.
Physical wounds may heal quickly, but emotional wounds are different.
Long after the situation ends, the impact sticks around. Not just in memories, but in how you see yourself.
It can feel like something inside you is permanently damaged, that you’re somehow less than, or not good enough anymore.
That’s a hard place to live and you shouldn’t have to.
There’s an old story about a woman who carried two buckets down to the river each day. One was perfect and held all its water.
The other had cracks and leaked along the path.
Over time, the cracked bucket felt ashamed, like it wasn’t doing its job.
But the woman smiled and pointed out the flowers growing along the trail. These were the ones that had been watered by those very cracks.
It’s a simple story, but it sticks.
Especially when life has left you feeling a little cracked, too. Let’s be clear: abuse and assault are never okay.
They are not meant to happen, and if you are fortunate enough to not die at the hands of your abuser, the experiences don’t make you stronger in some inspiring way.
They hurt. They disrupt lives. They leave scars that aren’t always visible. And sadly, often they do end a life.
But they do not make you unworthy. They do not make you damaged.
And never make you less than. A lot of survivors quietly carry shame that doesn’t belong to them.
They replay moments, question their choices, or compare themselves to where they think they should be by now.
Meanwhile, they’re doing something incredibly difficult, just continuing to live.
Healing doesn’t look like having it all together.
Most of the time, it looks like small, steady steps such as getting out of bed when it’s hard, saying no when you used to stay silent, talking to someone you trust, and maybe admitting, even just to yourself, “That wasn’t my fault.” Those moments matter. They’re signs of strength, even if they don’t feel like it yet.
Here in our community, you don’t have to go through that process alone.
Organizations like Crisis Services of North Alabama offer confidential support, crisis intervention, forensic nurse examiners, and resources for people facing domestic violence or sexual assault.
Whether you need someone to talk to right now or help figuring out your next steps, they’re there 24/7 at HELPline, which can be reached at 256.716.1000.
Or for an appointment locally with an advocate, call 256.574.5826. We provide free, confidential support.
Reaching out doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means you’re refusing to carry everything by yourself.
There’s no perfect timeline for healing. No finish line where everything suddenly makes sense again.
But feeling good enough isn’t something you earn after everything is fixed.
It’s something you practice, day by day, little by little, even while things are still messy.
So, if today feels heavy, if you’re stuck in that space of doubt or self-blame, take a breath.
You’re not disqualified from a good life because of what you’ve been through.
Like that cracked bucket, you may not see it yet, but there’s more to your story than what’s been lost.
There are still things growing along your path. And that matters.
Crisis Services of North Alabama responds to individuals and families in crisis through immediate response to those in distress who call our HELPline, domestic violence survivors, and sexual assault survivors.
We offer advocacy, crisis counseling, access to emergency domestic violence shelter, and connections to resources.
We offer support groups where you can interact with others who understand.
Our services are available at no cost and are designed to help people move toward safety and healing. Reach out today. You are not alone.
