What should we let go of
in the New Year?
Every New Year many
people make resolutions
for changes. Flipping the
calendar to a new year offers
us the feel of a fresh
start. Probably the number
one resolution most
make is to lose weight.
ere is o en a surge in
gym membership sales,
but the problem is about
64% of those who make
those resolutions and buy
the gym membership actually
abandon them with
a month! Maybe carrying
a few extra pounds isn’t
the most important issue
we are dealing with. Let’s
rethink some of our unhealthy
mental habits and
work to lose those so we
can thrive in a new year.
First, let’s lose the negative
thoughts. Every day
thousands of thoughts
cross our minds. And even
though we don’t seek them
out, many are negative
thoughts which are usually
not even true. Anxiety
can make us think about
worse case scenarios that
aren’t even happening. Research
shows that negative
thoughts can be so powerful
that they can “rewire”
your brain to think pessimistically
about everything.
Once you identify
the negative thoughts, you
can work to debunk them
and replace them with
positive ones. Ask yourself
if the thought is true and
can you absolutely know
it’s true? en ask yourself
how it makes you feel and
react and what you can do
to change it.
Next, stop criticizing
yourself and expecting to
be perfect. We all make
mistakes. We all have regrets.
Avoid self-criticism
by learning from those
mistakes and moving forward.
Not everything will
work out according to our
plans, but don’t diminish
the positive success you
do have. Adjust your expectations
to a reasonable
level so you can celebrate
your achievements and
give yourself some grace.
Consider keeping a journal
and log all the positive
things you are grateful for
as a reminder.
irdly, it may be time
to let go of the grief, blame,
and resentment you have
been carrying around. For
you to be able to move forward,
you have to allow
yourself to grieve the losses.
O en those who escape
intimate partner violence
grieve the relationship they
wanted or the one they
had hoped for and not the
actual one they had. Allow
yourself time to grieve, cry
and feel the feelings. It is
okay to feel angry about a
situation; however, it’s not
okay to sit in anger over
and over and allow it to
poison your life. You can
work to let go of the anger
by practicing forgiveness.
No, that is not saying what
they did is okay but instead
you are choosing not to allow
the anger or bitterness
to control you. Forgiveness
is for you.
Finally, let go of people
in your life who are not
healthy for you. Stop chasing
people and begging
them to be a part of your
life and thinking you can
change them to be the person
you hoped for them to
be. Stop accepting abusive
behaviors and remember
you are worth so much
more. People will show
you who they really are if
you will just look at their
actions. You deserve happy,
healthy relationships
and I hope you don’t settle
for less.
If you need help with
moving forward in the
new year, some ideas may
be to talk to a trusted person,
join a support group,surround yourself with loved ones, and make time for self-care. Working through your feelings will allow you to move forward. If you find yourself struggling with feelings of depression, don’t hesitate to schedule a visit with your physician.
Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services to survivors of sexual assault and intimate partner violence. You can reach a trained crisis counselor at our HELPline 24/7 at 256.716.1000. We also have a local office for Jackson County residents that you can call for an appointment at 256.574.5826. You are not alone.
Love shouldn’t hurt
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